”I’ll Fight Anybody who says Pluto is not a planet”
Who the fuck decided to revoke the planetary status of our most diminutive and godforsaken planet? I want to know so I can punch them right in the balls. I was all excited that they were going to be awarding planetary status to all manner of weird bodies floating around out there, barely tethered to our sun, but the fucks decided to go the other way and suddenly we have only 8 bodies we can call planets. 8! That is crap. I hate it when my early education is arbitrarily invalidated by passionless nerds.

Birthday Cigar Review
(originally posted 8/2/06 at www.cigarpass.com)

I said good-bye to my mid-twenties yesterday. They treated me well, but it was just time to move on. To commemorate my 28th birthday I decided to smoke a God of Fire robusto that I had found at the B&M last weekend.

I generally harbor a distasted for the ultra-premium and rare cigars. I hate to spend more that 8 or 9 bucks on a smoke, but something overcame me when gazing upon the GoF and I paid the $26 asking price. I wanted to see what all the fuss was about.

I used to smoke a lot of Artuo Fuente cigars. 8-5-8s, Chateaux, and Cuban Coronas were in the daily rotation. I enjoyed an occasional stick from the Hemingway or Don Carlos line. I have the utmost respect and admiration for the blenders and rollers of all the vitolas under the AF umbrella, but their marketing bothers me. It bothers me that Fuente is trying to make cigars collectable. And all the ultra-super-double premium special package holo-foil limited edition lines get on my nerves. I don’t want to pay 15-30 for a cigar, and I don't want the indusrty to move any further towards a rare-varient collectable limited edition model.

So why did I plunk-down my debit card for a God of Fire? Besides my aforementioned respect for Don Carlos, and the faint murmurs of the line being exceptional and worth the price, I fell in love with the band.

Yup. This cigars presentation overwhelmed my good sense. Lets ignore the cool coffin-box that the cigars gets all to its self, it was the image of Prometheus getting attacked by the eagle that sold me. I’m a sucker for that story. Prometheus created man, and he stole fire from the gods to keep man warm and to light their way in the cold and the darkness. Zeus punished Prometheus for enlightening man by chaining him to a rock and having a magical (and evil) eagle eat Prometheus’ liver each day. Each night his liver would grow back only to be eaten again, and all the while Prometheus had to watch mankind flounder and suffer under their own flawed humanity.

No good deed goes unpunished eh?

But anyway, back to the smoking.

The GoF Robusto was literally slick with oils when I slipped it from the cello, and it had a pungent fragrance of leather, citrus, and ceder. The wrapper was an intriguing gold-color and it was stretched tight around a dense bundle of filler. I could not wait to sink my teeth into it and rushed through the pre-light checklist and I had that puppy blazing in no time.

The first few draws were slightly tight and very mild. Woody and creamy it tasted just like I’ve come to expect a Fuente cigar to taste. By the time I was ½ inch in the stick started to blossom. Well, really it started to blow-up. There was a cascade of flavors in quick succession. Oak. Butter. Cinnamon. Coco. I was starting to get a little overwhelmed when things mellowed out a bit and I really settled into the cigar. Through the middle ½ of the smoke I was treated to each individual flavor that had bombarded me en masse previously. I had to consciously slow my puffing to keep from overheating the stick. I just wanted to gulp it down. Into the final third things livened up again and pepper and spice (cinnamon and clove) came to the fore. I borrowed a hair-pin from a friend so I could smoked down to the very nub. When I burned my lip for the 2nd time I reluctantly gave up on it.

The burn and draw was perfect from the beginning and by that final inch I was really wishing I had sprung for the Double Robusto.

I don’t like to spend $25 on a cigar, but if I’m ever in the mood to do so I would pick up another God of Fire in a heartbeat.

2eight
Had myself a happy birthday yesterday. Went to work, had cake, loafed around, then met up with friends at the Cat and Fiddle, my traditional birthday spot. I smoked an amazing cigar and had a few gin and tonics. It was nice and mellow. Saturday is the less-mellow party where we’ll be striking out into the wilds of Hollywood to raise toasts at Bordners bar. So if you are in LA and want to celebrate with us, come on by after 10, but before I get kicked out (like I did last year.)

Thanks to everyone who sent me birthday wishes!