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Monday, January 12, 2004  

Now that the country is one step away from media-fueled mass hysteria about an epidemic of Mad Cow disease, I think it is time to consider an elegant solution. Cannibalism. A solution to two problems: tainted beef and over population. And we should probably start by eating the Irish.

But seriously. Mad Cow disease is a horribly lethal brain infection, and the mere threat of infection has caused massive worldwide economic turmoil. The fact is there are less that 160 cases of human infection WORLDWIDE and the CDC pegs the risk at contracting Mad Cow greater than one-in-ten-BILLION. As my favorite celebrity chef points out (in his January 11th post) Americans are FAR more likely to be killed by a food-born bacterial infection (such as e.coli) than ever contracting Mad Cow. Even is you don't eat ANY meat unsanitary kitchen conditions can cross contaminate your salad and get you sick. And that is a hell of a lot more likely to happen even the most voracious carnivores getting infected with Mad Cow. The militant vegans and meat-phobics are quick to point out the long incubation period and mysterious nature of the disease and use these facts as bellows to stoke the flames of panic. But the reality is eating a cheeseburger today is no more dangerous than eating one ten years ago. Mad Cow is an important issue and changes DO need to be made in the meat-industry. But lets not forget the SARS scare, and the West Nile Virus scare, and any other pestilence-of-the-week that the media over-inflates to sell papers.

But you are still going to give up beef? Then go exotic. Amazon now sells a selection of exotic meats like venison, ostrich, and even yak! Many are organic and eating 100% exotic meats will reduce your risk of contracting Mad Cow to 1 in 20 billion! Seriously though. Yak. Mmmm Mmmm good. Why don't you come on over and I'll grill us up some wild beastie!

posted by JMV | 1/12/2004 04:15:00 PM
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