Octopus Hat
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Monday, July 07, 2003  

Warning:
Blog. The term, short for web-log, has come to mean a lot of different things. But it all started out an an on-line dairy. There are A LOT of blogs out there that still fulfill this task. Blogs that are windows into their authors lives in a way that Octopus Hat doesn't even approach. I have always found that I only keep up with writing in a journal when I am in dark-times in my life, and likewise many of the more traditional blogs are angst-filled chronicles of the depressive. I have struggled with depression for many years, and have over the past couple of years felt better than I have ever felt (due, in no small part to my wonderful wife.) But there are still days where it bubbles up to the surface. I have, for the most part, steered away from posting depressive rumblings on this site as I would like people to enjoy reading it, and not ever think, "Oh boy. Here he goes again..." But at the same time a writer that doesn't lay himself bare before his readers is a coward and not much of a writer. And so, this week I will post an essay entitled "Living the Dream" in five parts. The writing is rough, the emotion on the surface. My apologies for such a dramatic tone-shift, but it has a happy ending!



Living the Dream pt One
Los Angeles, California. Once called the "cultural capital of the postmodern world." A promised land and a purgatory. The city were, since its renaissance in the 1930s, wide eyed dreamers have gone to find a better life, and the city where uncounted dreams have been shattered and lost to the winds. A city that in under two months time I will call my home. How many stories have been told about its seedy underbelly? How many fairy-tales about those who have made it? More than I care to count, but soon one more. I have a great fear that my own story, the one yet to be written, will be one of failure and defeat. I have heard too many horror stories about the darkness that lies under the patina of glitz, and yet I will not back down. Some mornings, I feel that I am staring a great beast in the eye and that success is an impossible dream. I tell myself that my fate is in my hands, and that my dreams have waited long enough. So long in-fact that I sometimes forget what they are. I want to be a filmmaker. More so that I have been in the past 3 years. I want to make a living doing what I love. I want, on some level, the fame and fortune.

posted by JMV | 7/07/2003 01:39:00 PM
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