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Wednesday, July 30, 2003  

Free Fall
(This was supposed to have been posted at like noon, but Blogger sucks)
What a weird day. I'm sitting behind my desk in my office at the university for the second to last day. I've worked this job for 11 months, and in this department for 20, and after tomorrow it will be nothing more than an entry on my resume. Compounding the feelings of what I can only describe as "loss" towards my job is my 25th birthday, also the day after tomorrow. Orson Wells was 25 when he began production on "Citizen Kane." 25 seems like a weird year to bulldoze whatever foundation I had erected for my life and begin anew, but I'm happy (and surprised) that I've found the strength to do it. I owe ALL of this to Jules and her endless encouragement. I know it must be hard for her to have to reassure me, day after day, that everything will be fine and we won't end up desiccated casualties of Los Angeles. I thought existential angst was supposed to be left behind after high school along with your parents house, and your highschool sweetheart.

Andrew's recent post to his LiveJournal gives an interesting perspective that mirrors a lot of my current feelings. He, however, marvels at how much his life has gelled in the past two years, amazed that things have come together from the chaos that was our post-college arch. While I whine about all the structure and order of my life getting tossed to the wind. Well fuck that. No more pussy-footing around for me. No bitching (or at least less bitching.) I have a dream and goals and wild, wild fantasies, and I'l be damed if I don't see them come to fruition. And I have a Plan B.

posted by JMV | 7/30/2003 04:58:00 PM
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